Kalau hati dah kotor

So the past few days have been an emotional turmoil in yours truly's mind. A lot of "why"s and "how"s and more "why"s.

Bukan nak kata aku ni baik sangat but sometimes, I just can't understand how some people can resort to doing the things they do. Aku tau motif utama dia is dengki. From what I can see, she has a lot to be thankful for and kalau siapa2 nak dengki, rasanya aku lagi layak dengki kat dia.

She married a pilot who earns more than RM20k a month. She didn't have to struggle to bear children...while I waited 7 years to bear a child (siapa yang pernah lalui apa yang aku lalui tentu faham sangat2). She has a very lovely home, kalau tak, takkan la ada majalah interior design datang amik gambar kan? She has 4 lovely children whom I love so dearly sebab diorang tu anak sedara aku.

So why then does she hate me so much? Aku dah lama tau that she's been telling people all kinds of bad things about me...some of which are just plain fitnah but aku pekakkan telinga aje. Ye la, die dengan aku dulu satu sekolah, tentu la we know each other quite well although we were never close friends pun. But when she resorted to pakai guna-guna untuk tundukkan abang aku...speechless aku dibuatnya, cuma airmata je mengalir.

Aku tau, keluarga dia tak sukakan keluarga aku (sedangkan dulu mak die yang terhegeh-hegeh nak kawinkan die dengan abang aku) sebab kami ni cuma keluarga yang sederhana. Mak-bapak aku pesara kerajaan, pencen pun tak banyak mana, duduk pulak di kampung. Tapi kalau tak suka pun, takkan la sampai guna sihir. Tak takut ke dosa syirik? Aku takut...